Talking about money before the wedding

Most engaged couples talk about money constantly in the months before the wedding. The venue, the caterer, the aso ebi, the guest list that keeps growing. What they talk about far less is how money will work once the celebrations are over.

That second conversation matters more. It is also more uncomfortable, which is usually why it gets put off.

Start with your stories

Before you compare salaries or debts, talk about what money meant in the homes you grew up in. Was it discussed openly or kept quiet? Was there always enough, or a constant sense of worry? Who made the decisions?

These early experiences shape how you feel about spending, saving and giving, often more than you realise. A partner who seems tight with money may have watched their parents struggle. A partner who seems careless may have learned that money was never to be talked about at all.

Understanding the story behind a habit makes the habit easier to discuss without judgement.

Be honest about what you bring

This is the part people dread: loans, credit card balances, money you have promised to someone, savings you have quietly built up. Put it all on the table. Debt that only comes to light after the wedding tends to hurt far more than the debt itself.

If something feels embarrassing to share, that is usually a sign it needs sharing. Your future spouse is marrying your whole situation, not just the parts that look good.

Decide how you will run your home

There is no single right way for married couples to organise their finances. Some combine everything. Some keep separate accounts and share the bills. Many do something in between. What matters is that you choose on purpose, rather than drifting into whatever one of you assumed.

Questions worth answering together:

• Will you have joint accounts, separate ones, or both?
• How much can either of you spend without checking first?
• What are you saving for, and how?
• How will you handle giving, including tithes or offerings if faith is part of your life?

Money conversations go better when the aim is to understand each other rather than to win.

Talk openly about family support

For many couples, supporting parents, siblings or relatives is a normal and loving part of life. It can also become a source of real tension if expectations are never agreed. One spouse sends money home every month, the other feels left out of the decision, and resentment builds quietly.

Agree on how you will handle requests from both families, what feels reasonable, and how you will decide together when an unexpected need comes up. This matters even more if one or both of you live abroad and relatives see you as the person who can always help.

Treat the wedding as a rehearsal

The wedding is often the first big financial project you share, and how you handle it can tell you a lot. Are you both comfortable with the budget? Is one family contributing in a way that comes with expectations? Is anyone borrowing to make the day happen, whether for the traditional ceremony, the church wedding or both?

Starting married life with a beautiful celebration and a heavy debt is a strain many couples underestimate.

Keep the conversation going

Money is not one conversation. You will come back to it for the rest of your marriage, as incomes change, children arrive and parents grow older. Building the habit now, while you are engaged and hopeful, makes the later conversations easier.

If these talks keep turning into arguments, pre-marital counselling can give you a calmer space to work through them. A free 30-minute clarity call is a good place to start.